BY ALEX WAKEFIELD ON
Have you ever had your anger transcend from your gaming console to your body? How about thrown your remote? Shut off your game in a fit of fiery hatred? Then these are five games you MUST NOT PLAY. (Note that these are in no particular order.)
The no-brainer and perhaps cake-taker of this list goes to the renowned Dark Souls. Unlike many other games in its genre, it makes you feel inferior. It makes you feel weak. So weak that average enemies can dispose of you with impunity, and often do so much more frequently than most of us would care to admit. You are nothing but a rotting sack of flesh next to the titans you challenge, giving a sense of insignificance and dread that only serves to further enrage a determined gamer until he can take no more. And it’s not just mechanically challenging, as the dark and convoluted level design will leave you lost and confused for the majority of the game. From soul crushing (heh) boss move-sets, to the unforgiving nature of the death and combat mechanics, nothing will make your remote fly farther than a couple hours of Dark Souls.
This one can almost go without saying, but Mario Kart, in any of its installments, can be infuriating as hell. Mario Karts’ atmosphere of innocence and tamed fun are heavily overshadowed by its constant and unnerving amount of items that completely shift the flow of a race constantly, creating a pulse-pounding children’s game that keeps you in the moment. Alliances between those you love are made and lost, politics are introduced to what you thought was a children’s game, and now you are yelling at the top of your lungs and throttling your remote like it is a lifeline (or your fellow racer’s neck). Competition in any form is bound to have some disruptions of your social composure, but this game seems to take off as if you had a fifth of tequila before the green light. Exactly how many friendships this game has ruined we may never know, all we do know is that this is rarely merely a ‘game.’
A game acclaimed by hardcore gamers as a classic, action-adventure title Ninja Gaidenrequires no short amount of patience. Akin to beat-em-ups and hack and slashes, Ninja Gaiden is a game where your enemies, no matter how small, demand respect. In other words, choose your moves wisely, as every enemy has a very specific approach to combat and can be quite formidable, some would even say downright unfair. When mobs are added and mixed together at such a fast rate, you can’t help but feel a burning hatred for whoever put them there. Constant diligence and delicate move selection end up turning a crazy beat-em-up ninja game into a single-player beatdown that you won’t want to get up from any time soon.
Faster Than Light
Indie games are not normally known for their ability to make a player upset, but the RTS Faster Than Light goes the distance when it comes to rustling the jimmies. As it is focused highly on situational awareness and interface responsiveness, being unfamiliar to such does not make for the most pleasant experience. The gameplay is fairly linear, based around an upgrade system for a rinky-dink little ship flying through space that is being chased by a fleet of superior (in every fashion, I might add) ships that have a thirst for nothing but your demise. As if that wasn’t incentive enough to be fuming, if you are caught and destroyed, you lose all progress. ALL OF IT. If you are looking to pick up a challenging RTS, be sure that you are plenty calm before trying your hand at FTL.
League of Legends
Having the largest online gaming community of any other game in the world, it comes to no surprise that this online MOBA has what it takes to leave you frothing at the mouth. Team-focused competition has always been close friends with the human ego and social tension, but LoL defines a new tier of anger when your average 30-40 minute game of hard focus and effort has been ruined by an adolescent with egotistical tendencies. With an easy to use interface and clear gameplay objectives, the game seems to be inherently straightforward, which especially builds the frustration of losing as the avenues to success are very simple. If you can’t take losing games on a regular basis due to factors beyond your control, stay the hell away from this nightmare.